Welcome to our First Semi-Bi-Annual Domestic Living Issue in which we answer urgent questions from about half of our readers.
1. Dear Flossophy, How often must I wash my pants?
The short answer, is—happily—not very often!
The clean pants thing is really about do they look clean? If they smell or
won’t bend at the knee, which could take a year, go ahead and wash the bastards.
But in the interest of maintaining respect at the parole office, or the country club, or your political “party,” or whatever your guild may be, then simply match your pants to your cuisine.
If you’re drinking red wine, wear burgundy slacks. Chocolate cake? Brown pants! Marinara? Red pants! For more complicated dishes, like Oysters Rockefeller or Waldorf Salad, we recommend a nice paisley pant, or perhaps a handsome Scotch Guard Plaid. Consultations available 7-24!
Universal Cuisine Palette Camouflages Almost Any Consumption Accident!
(Risqué elastic waistband optional.)
2. Dear Flossophy, Our scented candles are clashing with our scented trash bags. What to do?
We recommend a large bonfire. Stand downwind. Inhale the smoke to reset your olfactory nerves, then get back to us.
3. Dear Flossophy, My house gets dirty whether I’m there or not. What should I do?
1.Wipe something off.
2.Put something away.
3.Throw something out in an unscented trash bag for chrissakes.
Reader Reply of the Week:
Thanks to country-living bon vivant, Mark Aurenheimer of Varina, Virginia (check your rhyming dictionary), we are treated to a top secret recipe for a succulent riff on the famous Last Word Cocktail —renamed by Marks's brother as:
The Last Fizzdom
1 part outrageously expensive mezcal
1 part Luxardo (classic one)
1 part green chartreuse
1 part lime juice
Splash soda water
Enjoy!
Wikipedia Friday Favorite: In
honor of the intersection of curiosity and logarithmically expanding human knowledge, we offer a weekly favorite obscure Wikipedia page.
This week – two interesting takes on the concept of Home, from Austria, thanks to readers Sandi and Kevin Curry. The first one reveals a cherished sense of community: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heuriger
The next is an acclaimed residentialbuilding with nary a plumb or level surface.
Fictionary Friday: Words You Need. Whether you know it or not.
Dumestic(dumm
ess tik) Adjective: When a home sounds like a great idea until you own one.
In a sentence:A domestic situation can easily devolve into a dumestic evacuation when certain things like a roof or floor succumb to the tug of gravity.
Fizzdom Friday: from our collection of favorite quotes.
“It is better to entertain an idea than to take it home to live with you for the rest of your life." – Randall Jarrell
Friday Fluff:
Speaking of houses, recent teetotaling residents of the White House have gotten all bollixed up. We need a president who hits the sauce for the good of the nation. We humbly suggest regular rounds of Last Fizzdoms in the Situation Room to make sure everything will be well lubricated.
