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Flossophy
Friday

February 7, 2020

Happy Groundhog Day, Fellow Flying Pigs,

Since we are not in Iowa, we can report an actual survey with actual facts to buck it up. And, well, shucks, it happens to be mostly about us, and a little about you. The nerdy little fuckers who spy on all of us report that Flossophy Friday’s highest readership percentage since April Fools Day 1991 (love numerical palindromes!) was on December 27, 2019 – and this is potent life-aggrandizing information!

You would be within your rights to ask if maybe we’re waxing melodramatic, if not irrevocably hysterical.

Fair question. Part answer: that’s our job. Other part answer: look at the facts.  See Figure 1.
Figure 1: The holidays generate highest readership.
Our under-employed marketing department shares your fascination here. How is it, you don’t ask, that when everybody goes away during the holidays and gets sick of minding their family’s business, they suddenly have time for Flossophy? We don’t really care about bogus reasons. The point is that if you look at Flossophy when you’re unhooked from your tethers, then our theory of “Reversalism Profundo” proves that if you want to be off the hook on a more regular (say, weekly) basis, read Flossophy first.  

In tangentially related matters: a page wants you to like a friend on Facebook. We all know that the page isn’t all that, and why stick your neck out for mediocrity? Well, welcome to the morality of nepotism, folks. Check out the graph (Figure 2).
Figure 2: Nepotism <––––>  Morality Scale
It all depends on the friendship quality line (above in blue), which digitizes how far you will go against your better judgment, your hard-won wisdom, and belief in anything bigger than yourself at the moment (above in green).

And finally, in response to urgent requests from readership, we will soon unfurl pasture-raised recipes for How To Make Your Life More Complicated. Because too much simplicity might generate oodles of time to read Flossophy, which brings us full circle for this one precious lingering moment in the serene turbulence of everything happening yet again. It’d be funny, after we process the recipes, if the graphic representation came out looking something like this (see Figure 3):
Figure 3: Maybe how to make life more complicated
Fictionary Friday: Words You Need. Whether you know it or not.
Mathamadox (math ah madd docks) Noun:  The bitter irony that numbers don't exist but everyone counts them like they do. Exist.
In a sentence: With expectations high in Iowa, we all embraced the stark reality of mathamadox.

Fizzdom Friday: from our collection of favorite quotes:
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
— Mark Twain

Wikipedia Friday Favorite:
In honor of the intersection of curiosity and logarithmically expanding human knowledge, we offer a weekly favorite obscure Wikipedia page. Take a gander at Straw Man. It’s a real thing, up to a point. Entre nous, we think one might visit Flossophy soon . . .  Straw Man. Or many of them. Straw Men.
That said, we have a lot to look forward to, which includes reminiscing.

In any case, keep them cards and letters flowing right here to headquarters, even though we’re not right here right now. We’re pretending it’s the holidays so we have time for Flossophy. Just sayin.
Write if you (do) or (do not) want to be off the hook.

Yours in untetheration,
Jonathan

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PPPS: Access the complete archive of past Flossophy Fridays, from the very beginning.
Everything is Happening at Once, is now available on Amazon,
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