Happy Wrapping, Fellow Re-Gifters, A lot of people have been crying out for help with gift giving when re-gifting supplies run low. Well, lucky-for-you, we have just unleashed our Membership Only Overstock Sale on special items not available on the Amazon, Nile, Mississippi, or the Erie Canal. Any three items are available, NOW ONLY, for just $11.43 and up.
Placebos
Interesting Liquids
Risqué Signage with Bull
We trust you not to tell anyone that many of our suppliers are in China. This is important. But perhaps you can benefit from the experiences of our many unsatisfied customers by gleaning what you may from the following response when someone finally got fed up with attempting logic on staff here at headquarters and went straight to the source:
Dear Valued Rich American Customer, I'm sorry friend to hear that your item couldn't fit as expected.
However, to save your cost in shipping return, we would like to offer you a new one free and you don't need to return anything to us.
Please find our address for return below:
Address:广西壮族自治区防城港市东兴市东兴镇冲卜一路65号031982仓库
Name: KH031982盛汇代收
Post code: 538100
If you think otherwise, please do not hesitate to let us know so that we can offer the other solution that will probably be the better choice for you. Looking forward to hearing from you!
Thank you for your kindness.
Customer Service
So if you have a problem with, say, liquids, or a "bad placebo," or other bullshit signage, think of it instead as an opportunity! Then maybe you can land a million somethings instead of the mere 500,000 you paid for. Life is good!
Fictionary Friday: Words You Need. Whether you know it or not.
De-Gifting(dee-gif ting) Verb: Withholding from your loved ones the stuff they’ll appreciate less than you will.
In a sentence: Looking excitedly at the dearth of presents under the tree, she exclaimed, "Let the de-gifting begin!"
Wikipedia Friday Favorite: In honor of the intersection of curiosity and logarithmically expanding human knowledge, we offer a weekly favorite obscure Wikipedia page. And as if we didn't have enough of this, already . . .
Fizzdom Friday: from our collection of favorite quotes.
"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." – Mae West
Reader Sponsored Flossophy Contest ! ! ! Our expanding Mondegreen Files keep inflating, and are now enhanced by an official contest sponsored by avid Flossopher, Burnley Hayes, of Midway, Georgia. Burnley says,
"In the 9th grade a great song came across radio waves with these awesome male gospel base tones singing, 'Hovering Low, Hovering Low.' Loved that song!
Guess what they were actually singing! A correct answer wins that Vagus Metropolitanus stuffed with five hundred pounds of feathers!"
[Note from the Bah-Humbug Department: The holidays are no excuse for lack of participation in this fabulous contest.] "More recently I was driving and heard a shocking story on the radio. It headlined, 'A busboy caught in NYC.' OMG. What a story! They caught a busboy! But no. It took me a minute . . . they didn't mean 'busboy caught.' They meant 'bus boycott.' Oy. I'm gonna change my name to Monda Green."
Write if you (do) or (do not) receive a million unreturnable somethings from China, Friend.
