Flossophy Friday May 29

May 29, 2020

Happy Preaching to the Choir, Fellow Orators,

While preaching to the choir, you probably often wonder, "How can they hear me with all that hair?" Especially because the hair problem has gotten worse since the barbers fled. Basically, the hair problem can be divided into four factors:

Hair on head: Good

Hair not on head: Less Good to Quite Bad

Hair on Men: Tends To Be Problematic

Hair On Women: Way Above Average

General Observation: "Hair" is not to "Hairy" as "Wind" is to "Windy"

General Assessment: In the time it takes to say, "Quite the man bun," the amount of hair on earth grows by about sixty cubic meters, which is disgusting if you over-think it. And now that you mention it, what distinguishes people from non-people is our fussy, conflicted relationship with hair. Hair on upper head area is considered good. Hair on face is debatable and ranges from spiffy and commanding to, well, pubic, if you don’t mind anyone saying so. As you descend from the head, hair generally becomes less and less desirable. Ear, nose, neck, for example. These haireas get yucky real quick. We could go on. Knuckles. Ass. And on to non-body areas, such as countertop, salad, or poem.

Obviously, hair is a problem for human beings. What to do about it? For starters, we share illuminating texts from the Flossophy of Fongress Library.

Fictionary Friday: Words You Need. Whether you know it or not.
Everywhair (evv err ee whair) Verb: Swimming with a comb-over.

Mulfro (mull froh) Noun: A hairdo with a lot of outward flow, a lot of downward hanging and like a ton of hair.

Hairdont (hair doughnt) Noun: Opposite of a hairdo.
In a sentence:
Qwah Fuhr everywhaired so beautifully that his locks momentarily resembled a mulfro until the current shifted and it became an unseemly hairdont.

Fizzdom Friday: from our collection of favorite quotes.

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow
but phone calls taper off." – Johnny Carson

"Before you get a haircut that’s short on top and long in the back,
you should mullet over." – Staff

"There's many a man has more hair than wit." – William Shakespeare

Wikipedia Friday Favorite: In honor of the intersection of curiosity and logarithmically expanding human knowledge, we offer a weekly favorite obscure Wikipedia page. For readers who are not exactly sure what is meant by the term hair, we recommend this interesting overview:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair

Splendid Reader Replies to last week’s report on paying attention to energy in the universe through the periscope of Kansas:

Elsa Woodaman, linguist extraordinaire from Richmond, Virginia, by way of Venezuela, writes:

Love it! And for more musings, in Spanish it's "prestar atención" which is to "lend" attention (the same in Portuguese). In French it's "faire attention" which is to make or create attention (the same in Italian). So, apparently it's just more expensive to be aware of your surroundings in English! What's up with that?

Don Gawlik from lovely Durango, Colorado:

If you open the windows in a modern vehicle, you lower the gas mileage. Forty years ago my VW had corner windows meant to turn so the fresh air blasted into the cabin. We traveled across Nebraska and Kansas in the summer heat, enjoying the hot air blowing across our bodies, as we knew nothing else.

Chris Cox, of the one and only West Grace Street, submitted a rather wonderfully annoying contribution to staff and the small community at large. He sent this link.

Load the page, and every time you reload it makes up a new word.

Staff thinks it’s not that great, and certainly not funny, but we pay them to adopt certain harsh opinions about web pages that makes our work seem utterly replaceable by electrons flowing through some wires and cables. You may opine differently.

Final question: Did all the barbers flee to Guam, where they bask in the sun drinking cocktails with little umbrellas, while fastidiously sculpting their man buns?