Actually, yes, now that you mention it, Help Wanted!
Help Wanted: we are now hiring Socialites. Please include job description with your application because nobody knows what Socialites do—not that youdoanything. Relax, that’s not the point—we just need a job description (don’t overthink it, not that you would if you’re a Socialite) but, like, whatever, our publicist insists that we need, like, a bevy. (Apparently you can’t get just one Socialite because, like, they have to socialize and shit.)
Medical Warning!! For any faux, bogus, poser, Non-Socialite tempted to apply: Brainstorms cause nosebleeds.
Solution of the Week:
A lot of reading lists, they go on and on like you’re supposed to read eight hundred pages an hour and never stop, and all they do is make you feel guilty, ignorant, and lazy.
So instead, let’s brace for the bevy of Socialite interviews with a "Not Reading List”, starting with the following subjects:
Dacron vs. Nylon
Apocalyptic Mania
Knowledge Socialites
Needles
Needle point Needle Nosed Bullfinches
(Reader suggestions welcome!)
News From Our Realty Division:
We have no islands available at the moment. However, for the second time only, for sale or best offer, not that they’re mutually exclusive, we do have a very nice isthmus on the edge of a super-interesting-region. Will consider trade for promontory (above Tropic of Cancer preferred).
Fictionary Friday:
Primoleeno(prim oh lee no) Noun: Dancers disgusted that other
dancers are on the dance floor.
In a sentence: Emma Tatum imitated the smooth tango moves of the winning primoleenos until everything went all roller derby on her.
Fizzdom Friday: from our collection of favorite quotes.
“Selfishness is the only real atheism; unselfishness, the only real religion.” --Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Reader Reply of the Week:
Mike Bell, amateur
neurobiologist, of Richmond, VA explains:
Why do women's brains cost $250,000 and men's cost $1,000,000? Because women's brains are used.
Wikipedia Friday Favorite:
In honor of the intersection of curiosity and logarithmically expanding human knowledge, we offer a weekly favorite obscure Wikipedia page. This week, a woman who makes modern day Socialites look like middle school cheerleaders.
Is it better to get ahead of yourself or behind yourself?
[Don’t get in the middle of yourself.]
[Also recommended: get outside yourself.]
The answer will appear in code in next week’s Flossophy Friday. We trust you to help us figure it out. Well, we don’t really trust. We implore. (Get on it, people! Join the race to the bottom for next week! Hit "Reply" to send us your Fictionary, Fizzdom, Fluff, Wiki -- or solution to the riddle.)
All the best, see ya soon, write if you (do) or (do not) hire any Socialites. OKAllright, Jonathan www.jonathanmarcus.org
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